Archive for February 2014

In which I mourn yet another good idea marred by poor execution.

Vampire Origins – The Strigoi by Riley Banks started out strong, with an action-packed first chapter that arced beautifully and drew me right into the story. From there, however, it went rapidly downhill, twisting and turning back on itself, then came to an abrupt halt with an ending that left me feeling cheated and rather dizzy.

I liked the idea of a powerful vampire turned entrepreneur. Vladimir Roman has a grand plan: to enslave thousands of humans in his blood factory to provide himself and his extended “family” with a reliable source of sustenance. I also enjoyed the budding romance between Scarlett and Caleb complicated by Lachlan’s loveless rivalry for possession of her. And I was very intrigued by the evil Miss Angeline. Wicked children bring a delightfully skin-crawling factor to just about any horror story.

Unfortunately, my enjoyment was marred by a number of game-ending mistakes that jarred me out of the story and scrambled my brain. First and foremost, there are major formatting issues. The margins changed with just about every paragraph; sometimes there were first-line indents, sometimes there were not. The inconsistencies made my eyes skitter around.

There are no typographical breaks between scenes, so I was jerked from one character to another without warning and sometimes without an initial clue to who I was supposed to be following next. I had to fumble around for a bit, and sometimes back-track, to figure out where I was in the story. I found myself saying “Wait, what?” a lot.

The author made it clear that her vampires’ images cannot be reflected in mirrors. There are no mirrors in the castle (but then one conveniently appears when Scarlett has to gaze into it), and she mentions the lack of a reflection a number of times throughout the story. All the sudden, though, Lachlan’s reflection appears in a set of mirrored windows. What? No.

There are a couple of missteps that a little research could have corrected. One that sent me right out of the story was the bit about hockey. There are no three-minute penalties in the official rulebooks. There are two, five, ten, and hit-the-showers-dude. Also, how does one go from never being on skates to captain of the team overnight? I had an inkling that the Renee character might have charmed the two brothers into rapidly developing mad hockey skills, but this was not made clear enough to allow me to suspend my disbelief.

Finally, the sudden ending brought me up short with a final, and very indignant “Wait, what???” While I’m a fan of cliffhangers, this one felt more like I was slammed into a brick wall.

I think, with a major overhaul, this could be a brilliant addition to the genre. Formatting issues, typographical errors, missing words here and there, inconsistencies, and the abundance of repetition and passive voice: these all need to be corrected. Ms. Riley, please take the time and spend the money for a professional editing service. You’ll be glad you did.